Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My boob is missing a layer of skin
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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