Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
