Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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