omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
