O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
