Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
