drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
