I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im holly from the hills drunk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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