try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
