Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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