he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
