haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
