saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
