The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
