ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
