so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
