giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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