Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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