dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
