I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
