Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
