I smell stomach acid.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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