you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
