btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
