I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How does one acquire holy water?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
