last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
