come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
