You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
