Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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