Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
