Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
