it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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