P.S. I can't hear my feet
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
