Betty ford says i'm here all night
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Life is so much better after having sex.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
