i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
