I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
