Are we in a gay sports bar?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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