somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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