dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
