hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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