Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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