oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
