glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
