Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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