He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
