The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
