The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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