Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
