he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
