Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
