Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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