so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
