I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
