I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
