I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
