He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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