i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
