I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
