I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
