Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
