Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
